© 2010 Aaron Atkinson

Please Be Seated

My good buddy Ed has a thought-provoking theory on public bathroom hygiene. As he told me about it, the conversation went something like this…

Me: I only go number one in public bathrooms.

Ed: Are you crazy? Why would you only go number one?

Me: For sanitary purposes. I figure the less I touch the better.

Ed: Wrong!

Me: Huh?

Ed: You’ve got it all wrong. Whenever I have to go number two, I just go.

Me: At least you use those tissue paper seat covers don’t you?

Ed: Nope. Don’t hafta.

Me: (Growing more disgusted) Don’t have to!?!

Ed: Nope. The way I figure it, everyone else is just like you. And if everyone is just like you, they all use the paper seat cover. This, naturally, leaves the bare seat germ-free and ready for me!


  1. Shane
    Posted September 4, 2010 at 7:50 pm | #

    I thoroughly agree with Ed in this case. The sissification of America started with germs. Now our bodies don’t know what to do when exposed to them. I attributed my general lack of sickness to the fact that I ate my boogers as a kid. Exposing myself to germs and bacteria made my immune system strong.

    Think about it.

  2. Aaron Atkinson
    Posted September 6, 2010 at 4:31 pm | #

    Note to self… never shake Shane’s hand again.

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