© 2011 Aaron Atkinson

Flight Faux Pas

There are three things I never do on airplanes.

First, I never pass up the in-flight beverage service. I paid for that Cran-Apple juice, and whether I’m thirsty or not, I’m taking it. And once I’m done drinking it, I will suck on the ice cubes. The high, thin air has a dehydrating effect that the slow-melting ice water helps to ward off.

Second, I never go to the bathroom on the plane. I’ll go before and after I board, but never in flight. There was even that time during an extended landing that I had to pee so badly that I unbuttoned by pants, loosened my belt, crossed my legs and really regretted sucking that last ice cube. But I still held it. I’m not sure why I hesitate to go, but I do.

And third, I’ll never recline my seat. Those aisles are already so tight, that I think it’s a little rude to nestle my sleeping head into the lap of the passenger behind me. So even while everyone else is kicked back like a LA-Z-Boy, I’ll snooze straight up.

As I type this, I’m starting to realize that the people who sit next to or behind me are pretty lucky passengers. They’ll never have to leave their seat to let me get to the bathroom, and I’ll never steal their legroom. Yep, I’m the perfect travel companion, so long as folks are looking the other way while I unbutton my pants and loosen my belt.

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