© 2010 Aaron Atkinson

A Big Lunch

She didn’t have a beer at dinner. She always has a beer when we’ve eaten dinner together.

Me: Are you doing ok?

Coworker: Yeah. Just trying to be healthier.


The next week when we went out for her birthday lunch, she ordered water to drink. Whenever we go out to lunch, she orders a Coke.

Me: Water?

Coworker: Yep. Trying to eat healthy.

I smelled a rat.

After going to the Fair with Laura, I came back and told my coworkers about the Walking Taco.

Me: … salsa, lettuce, cheese, taco meat and sour cream all inside a bag of Doritos.

Coworker: Mmmm! Doritos sound delicious!

Abruptly, she got up from her desk and walked away. Three minutes later she returned with a vending machine bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos.

For the next week she ate a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos every single day – at ten o’clock in the morning.

The rat started to smell like Doritos.

Coworker: I have something to tell you… I’m going to have a baby.

Me: Wow! That’s great news! Congratulations!

Coworker: I figured it was time to tell you. Because even though my husband says I only look like I ate a big lunch, I think I’m starting to show. Plus, I know you already know.

I smiled.

Coworker: When did you figure it out? After the beer or after the Coke?

Me: Well I was suspicious after the beer. And really suspicious after the coke. But the Doritos sealed the deal.

Coworker: Really?

Me: Yep. Nobody who uses the excuse “trying to eat healthy” eats a bag of Doritos for brunch everyday for a week straight!

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